Tom Sawyer

As soon as I open the washing machine, I hear an enthusiastic flutter of toddler feet, then find two extra hands grabbing and shoving clothes into the washer. I now spend half of my effort removing the wrong clothes and simultaneously tricking Helena into thinking she is helping me. I watch her fascination with my work and eagerness to take part in it, the laundry, a job I tend to avoid as long as possible. Why do I hate it so much?

I'm not alone in a desire to shirk my work. Recently in the car we listened to chapter two of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (Twain, Mark//Mark Twain Library), where Tom tricks his friends into paying him for the privilege of whitewashing his fence. Afterwards, Twain writes:

If he had been a great and wise philosopher, like the writer of this book, he would now have comprehended that Work consists of whatever a body is OBLIGED to do, and that Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

Obligation as a motive for doing something seems closely related to resentment and procrastination. My children definitely grumble and postpone their work when I assign them chores, yet when they decide to surprise me by cleaning up the house, they work cheerfully and quickly. This principle seems true even when I am the one making myself do the work. A pile of clothes to fold sometimes seems an insurmountable obstacle: couldn't I just bake a cake instead?

Synonyms for obliged include "forced, required, bound, compelled, obligated, duty-bound, under an obligation, under compulsion, without any option" (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/). I can't think of a time in my life when someone actually forced me to do anything, so for me, being obliged to do something is not a real situation but a feeling, and the synonym "duty-bound" best reflects this. When I act out of duty, I don't feel joy in the results of my labor. Instead I feel relief that I can cross something off the to-do list. How can I transcend duty? How can I help my children do the same?

I have not arrived at a perfect solution, but this year I have seen some changes in my family as I have tried to make it more of a team effort than an individual pursuit. We all take our separate positions cleaning the kitchen after a meal, set a timer, and see if we can complete the job in 15 or 20 minutes. When we all work together, jobs become shorter, and the effort to beat the clock adds interest. Our clean clothes pile has become a mountain lately, so the past few weeks we have had a "folding laundry party" a couple of evenings a week. We pile the clean clothes on my bed and everyone finds, folds, and puts away their own clothes as quickly as possible, then helps with towels and the baby clothes. Because the results of cleaning are so short-lived and relentless, I have always had a difficulty feeling entirely satisfied after doing a job. Enlisting my family's aid, then talking and laughing together throughout a job makes the process fun and the completion soon. Mary Poppins spoke truly when she sang, "In every job that must be done there is an element of fun. You find the fun and snap, the job's a game."

Cleaning rooms, making beds, and getting dressed in clean clothes in the morning have been habits I've struggled with helping my children develop. Then my sister Johanna told me what she does, I stole her idea, and now I am finding success with telling everyone that I would love the whole family to join me for a home-cooked breakfast as soon as they have those tasks completed.

As a child, I thought Tom Sawyer successfully tricked his friends into doing his work, but it's not that simple. They had fun whitewashing his fence. Working cooperatively, finding success in the results, and  taking well-deserved rest at the end of a task can help anyone develop the ability to feel self-motivated and enjoy a task instead of feeling obliged to do it. Even me.